Posted in Rants

in which i find myself in a state of thought

Alright, ok so this might go somewhere, it might not.

but i’m in theater, and i hate this year so far. there are these freshmen that joined, that i absolutely don’t care about and they don’t stop singing fucking songs from fucking musicals, which hey is great, if only they didn’t do it all the fucking time. But now that I’ve thought about it I feel fucking terrible for disliking them based on what they like, and now I’m swallowing myself into a pit of self hate, and I really hate myself for doing this because it’s such a fucking struggle and I don’t know why I do it. I really hate myself for being such a judgmental frigid bitch.

And now I’m just being an angry bitch because there are so many things in my life that are piling up. And the only reason I am saying so much of this inner conflict that I have on here is because it’s with strangers, or with people I trust.

OK but more problems, and these may not seem as big issues, but to me, I get really stressed out easily and my brain thinks it’s a fucking great idea to make these tiny issues overdone and bigger then they actually are!!!  And to start off, in my life, I have these two people in my life, that are, or well they used to be my best friends, but then, lets call them S, they replaced S. S and I would have these fun traditions, and we had our own things that we both did, and then over the summer, I don’t know why, S had this really good friend, but they had some rough patches, and then they made up! Which is great, but now S had completely replaced me with that person, and even worse, it was at a time I had a lot of issues at home. And without S, I didn’t have anyone to talk to about these problems.

And now, my other best friend, or well I’m not even sure they’re my friend anymore, they think I used them, and that I replaced them with other people, which isn’t true. I just believe that we drifted apart because we both changed as people. And now it irks me with their way of thinking because it’s so immature, and sometimes they don’t even realize what they are saying is so disrespectful towards their parents, and they just seem so self centered.

OK, another problem is that I like this guy. And this guy is my ex-boyfriend, and we broke up 9 months ago, but I still have feelings for him. And I hate it so much, because no matter how much I try to give up on him, or how much I try to like other people, my thoughts just seem to drift back to him. And he’s such a great guy, and we’re great friends, I don’t want to mess anything up between us, and our friendship.

I just feel so lost, and I just want someone to hug me and tell me that it’s going to be OK. Is that really too much to ask for? Alright bye, I gotta do homework now haha

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I write, I rant and I ramble, but it's not the best.

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